


Measure Up

by PainsEnvying



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Universe, Dick Jokes, M/M, Masturbation, One Shot, Oral Sex, Penis Measuring, Post-Time Skip, Smut, Swearing, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-29 14:49:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19402534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PainsEnvying/pseuds/PainsEnvying
Summary: After what seemed like countless days worth of extensive training and debriefing before the fateful attack on Liberio, playful talk evolves into very serious business.





	Measure Up

**Author's Note:**

  * For [selysa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/selysa/gifts).



> Warnings: The tags and rating speak pretty much for themselves. This is post-time skip, in-universe, so they're both well over 18-years-old, which is actually the opposite of a warning.
> 
> Happiest of birthdays to one of my best friends in the entire fandom, even into real life, Ly! What better way, that I can think of, than to give my fellow dirty birdie JeanCon smut with some of our headcanons and jokes throughout. *wink*wink* I've had this idea in my head for a long time and finally got it out to you for your birthday. I hope you enjoy. And you or anyone else, please feel free to point out any spelling or grammar errors. I spent the past 3-4 hours writing this non-stop because I was so eager to see this vision through!

Jean and Connie were always the type to laugh in bed. Almost without fail. Jean would be in a pissy mood, moped, brows furrowed in irritation, even anger, but that never stopped at least one of the dorks to burst into laughter at night.

Their comrades would assume they were just joking around late at night ever since training days. Try as they might, they could still get a little loud at times. Perhaps making a wisecrack. Though if it _were_ as innocent as mere words, they _wouldn't_ have been innocent in nature.

"I am getting so goddamn tired of this shit," Jean complained out loud, again. He plopped down face-first on the modest bed of the barracks he shared with Connie. He hadn't even bothered to take off his boots. Not that it was necessary right now; he was tall enough at his older age so his feet hung off the edge freely.

"It's not that different than before, honestly," Connie groaned, trying to console the man.

"Yes it iiiis," Jean moaned into the mattress before turning his head to speak clearly. "We've never coordinated an attack on civilian ground across an ocean that we didn't even know _existed_ previously. Plus that monstrosity of a quadrupedal Titan, Reiner, whatever-the-fuck Eren is doing, Armin's gonna attack as the Colossus for the first time..." He released a heavy sigh.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I've been to every long-ass meeting you have," Connie deadpanned as he smacked Jean's exposed ass before having a seat, making the dirty blond jump.

"Giddy-up," Connie snickered loudly with a devilish grin plastered on his face.

"Oh, shut the fuck up!" Jean grinned and lifted himself up just enough to pounce on Connie to topple him over.

It had been a good while since they had decent alone time. The perks of these barracks were they were too small to house anymore than two soldiers. So they had a bit more freedom to be as vocal as they liked. And they _need_ to be.

Jean wasted no time attacking Connie's sensitive neck in an uncoordinated flurry of light nips and licks, making him shutter and instantly blush.

"J-Jean...?" Connie could sense him clumsily try to take off one boot with the other foot to no avail. "You know, ah, you can... Take care of that first... Th-there's no rush, y'know..."

"Mmrrrr, but ah'm 'appy righ' herrrrrre..." Jean hummed against Connie's skin, sending shivers.

"Y-YES, I can T-TELL with your gigantic horse cock growing in your pants!" Connie panted.

"Goddamn it," Jean quietly laughed. He got off and promptly began undoing the buckles on not only his boots but the straps on the 104th's new 3DMG, which were just as extensive. Connie did the same, comfortable remaining laying down, however.

"I swear, we're more wrapped up than we use to be back on the island," Connie remarked. He almost instantly realized the error in his word choice and kept still as his eyes darted to Jean. Jean remained face forward, but his eyes laid on Connie's with a naughty smirk stretching to his ears.

"Fuck!" Connie laughed and whipped Jean's arm with as much of his uniform's loose straps as he had on him. Connie fought back with another equine pun.

"I bet we could find out if these are longer by hand," Connie suggested with a grin as he stacked his palms vertically against Jean's arm, quite literally measuring the stallion the old-fashioned way.

Jean swiftly grabbed one of Connie's wrists and pressed its edge against his mouth, raking his teeth against the side and licking his exposed palm with his tongue.

"Give me a few seconds and we'll see how you measure up," Jean threatened with a predatory hunger in his eyes.

 _'Me'?_ "Oh yeah? How, with that freakishly long tongue of yours?"

For whatever reason, that remark caught Jean off guard. His demeanor changed, and he stopped his assault on Connie's eagerly twitching hand. But then he realized his poker face, or lack thereof, betrayed him for the nth time.

"Hmm...,”" Jean thought aloud while finishing getting undressed. He stood next to the bed to drop the gear and began removing the actual uniform.

"Come to think of it," Jean thought as Connie snickered at 'come,' prompting an eyeroll out of Jean. "Do we even know how long we are? Because it'd be a bit much to tell people, 'YO, MY MAN'S A GROWER, HE CAN GET, LIKE, THIS LONG'" Jean wore an exaggerated open mouth and outstretched his palms as if he was talking about a large fish he had caught.

"Damn it, Jean!" Connie smacked one of his forearms down.

"Chill, that prime opportunity hasn't risen yet."

"HA!" Connie blurted out so loud there was a small echo.

"Alright, down you go, c'mon now!" Jean chuckled as Connie's resulting laughter.

"Do you even hear yourself right now?! You're given me so much material!"

"Fucking hell..." Jean laughed under his breath as he removed the rest of Connie's clothing. He grabbed one of Connie's freshly bare feet and began giving it a rough massage. Connie uttered a hard moaning shutter. Knowing he could still make the sensitive man quiver at his touch made blood rush to Jean's crotch and his cock jump.

"So, about that suggestion of yours..." Jean purred. Connie whined in anticipation. Jean began a very slow trail of hard kisses along Connie's foot, ankle, shin... Jean observed Connie's member straighten and lengthen against his lower stomach more as more as he neared his knee. Connie instinctively pulled his other leg further away from himself, granting the hungry man more access.

"So, you're doing your part well, we typically like to do dick measuring contests with a hard one, so keep at it." Jean playfully squeezed Connie's knee, making the thin man beneath him burst into a high-pitched giggle.

"Fuck, Jean, not now!" Connie panted in protest at the unexpected tickle.

"'Fuck Jean, not now?' Correct, it's all about you right now. I can wait," Jean said without missing a beat.

"Oh my walls..." Connie quietly face-palmed and laughed, allowing Jean to continue his mission.

It didn't take long to Connie to resume a string of heavy pants, though, as Jean took his time practically making out with Connie's inner thigh. He lovingly nuzzled it with his face, careful to not make his handsome beard go against Connie's delicate skin. Jean would hungrily inhale Connie's scent in between long kisses and slow licks up and along his thigh. They both had a bit of a stronger musk tonight, given they hadn't showered yet. But it only made them all the more aroused. It had been a good while since they the time or energy for anything that'd lead to something even close to an orgasm. But as their mission to invade Liberio neared, planning was beginning to wrap up and the soldiers had a little extra time to spare. At least tonight.

"Praaaactically there, from what I can tell..." Jean murmured against Connie's skin, referring to his hardness. He could sense Connie's gaze on him and they met eyes. Connie's were glazed over, his cheeks flush, the faintest sheen of sweat on his features and even in his peach fuzz hair.

"Alright, let's see here..." Jean kisses his way to the edge of Connie's package. His balls were as tight as you'd expect given his state of arousal but lack of physical attention. His shaft was indeed at an impressive length compared to when flaccid.

"Give me a few seconds, actually," Jean teased as his lips and tongue focused on caressing Connie's sack. He gently guided the left testicle into his mouth with his tongue and hummed loud, sending jolts through Connie's enough being. Despite a swift grab onto Jean's shoulder by one of Connie's hands, Jean didn't flinch at all.

"Holy shit, Jean," Connie strained through clenched teeth. Jean released to give both of Connie’s balls gentle licks and feathery kisses. As he moved up and forward to pepper kisses up to Connie's hip, his astute eyes noticed a thick bead of pre-cum on the tip of Connie that he knew was absent before.

"Okay, shall we begin...? Let's see," Jean declared as he kissed the base of Connie's fully hardened penis. It lacked Jean's girth but Connie was indeed a grower with beautiful, thick veins running its length.

"One..." Jean began before pressing his extended tongue against the base of Connie's length. He held it there for what felt like a minute, much to Connie's dismay.

"Oh for fuck's sake, Jean, when the hell did you ever get patient?!" He felt puffs of hot, moist breath land on either side of his increasingly sensitive cock and onto his pubic hairs.

Jean lifted his tongue off and ran it against Connie's length in between suckling kisses, making the man moan.

"What can I say, you have me a good idea I want to take full advantage of. Now, where were we..."

Jean stroked the underside of Connie before wrapping his thumb and forefinger to about where the base of his tongue laid. He kept close eyes on its placement, literally, as Jean stroked only the base now that it was covered in his saliva. He never stroked furthered than his initial measurement. Connie became more vocal, moaning and groaning eagerly awaiting Jean to continue.

"Patience," Jean soothed by massaging Connie's hips and buttocks as he assumed position on top of his throbbing cock again. Oh, how badly Connie wanted to make a quip about Jean and patience, but he held back this time.

"Two..."

Jean repeated the process but this time was able to grasp the base of Connie's manhood with his whole right hand this time. He wasn't able to stroke fully at two tongue's length yet, so he opted to twist his grip around Connie's base in an arbitrary pattern with occasional hearty squeezes. The poor boy beneath him was squirming now.

Three... Four...

After four, Jean sat on his ankles and settled in front of his love to work nearly all of Connie's pulsating length. But is still wasn't near his head, deep red with an aching need for attention. That initial bead of pre-cum had long since steadily poured onto his stomach, a determined string connecting as Jean stroked, pumped, lightly squeezed. Jean's free hand tenderly massaged Connie's balls while giving his asshole occasional strokes and teasing pokes.

Poor Connie had long succumbed to Jean taking his sweet time. He rhythmically bucked his hips until it was second nature, eyes closed, fists clenched on the bedding on either side of him. But Walls-willing Jean was almost through.

"Now, let's finalize..." Jean leaned forward. "One... two... three... four... fiiiiii..." but Jean never quite said "five" and his lips engulfed Connie's extra sensitive head, Jean's tongue flicking side-to-side against the base of it and occasionally the urethra, scooping up what pre-cum remained on its entrance. Connie swung his arm up and slammed the base of his thumb into his mouth, biting down to hold back cries of passion.

"OOH, FUCK... JEAN...!"

Jean hummed in acknowledgment and bobbed against Connie a couple of times before coming off with a lewd _pop_.

"Hmm?" Jean smirked.

"DON'T STOP!" Connie looked angrily at him with lust. But he couldn't stay mad at that insanely handsome face for long. His brows loosened and he looked upon him with heartfelt need.

Jean chuckled. "Sensitive as ever, I see."

He resumed his work but slowed to a tolerable pace. Jean seemed to be taking extra sweet time tonight. Neither had an idea why. Jean concluded it must be because they're so busy, all of them, these days. So when you got some extra time for once, might as well make it worth it.

The stallion was a quintessential Cassanova. He was worshiping Connie's length, every centimeter. Not one portion wasn't stroked, caressed, licked, kissed, coated in saliva. Connie's head steadily leaked pre-cum and was a deep purple now. Honestly, the fact he hadn't released a load yet was a testament to his stamina.

As Jean neared his head again, his eyes focused on Connie's as he began focusing his head with his mouth while his hands worked the rest. Connie knew Jean's intention to finish so he scrambled to get the pillows under his shoulders to better prop himself and gaze into Jean. He laid a shaking hand on Jean's scalp, roughly running his fingers in his hair.

Jean worked up an increasingly steady pace, bobbing faster and faster. As Connie's moans became louder and closer in succession, Jean answered with proud, determined hums, the vibrations overwhelming the boy. Connie's grip on Jean's head clenched tight, scratching the scalp as the other barricaded his mouth again, a stifled cry of agonizing pleasure scratching up his throat. Jean expertly caught his load and swallowed with no problem, lovingly making happy moans as his thoroughly licked Connie's head clean sending full-body jolts through him. He moaned almost in pain at the post-orgasm sensations.

Thoroughly satisfied with his work, Jean could no longer ignore his own throbbing manhood anymore. He sat on his heels and pumped his shaft until a few thick ropes of cum flung out and onto most of Connie's stomach. Some landed on Connie's length, prompting Jean to initially grab it off but he used his own natural lubricant to give Connie a few more pumps.

"For the love of fuck, Jean, please... Ah, I-I'm spent..." Connie moaned, his body twitched compulsively as a sweaty hand clung to Jean's forearm for dear life.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Jean teased. He stopped and just left a bigger mess than there initially was. Jean plopped down on his stomach next to Connie, watching him recover and pant. He was mesmerized and watched Connie’s breathing slow to a more stable state.

"So...?"

Jean's eyes widened. "Hmm?"

"How many?"

"Uh... About... Five, five and a quarter."

"'Five, five and a quarter' what?"

"Tongue lengths."

"Tongue lengths?! What the hell is that?"

Jean hummed an 'I don’t know.' "You tell me," Jean craned his neck for a deep, passionate kiss.

Connie laughed softly and shook his head. "Guess we'll need to figure _that_ out some other time."

**Author's Note:**

> If y'all didn't catch the hand joke, horse height is typically measured by a unit of measure known as "hand."
> 
> I am really pleased with this and it was so much fun to write despite how exhausting it was, haha! I like to think I make very good headcanons for these two. They're such a fun pair and the possibilities for the ship are endless. Much more than most SnK ships, I'd say. They're a hoot and both boys deserve _so_ much more love, especially this ship. So I'm really happy to contribute to the JeanCon tag.


End file.
